My Idol
There are so many people that come to ask me who is my idol. Then I will answer them proudly that she is Avril Lavigne.
I still remember when I go to an interview. One of interviewers asks me whether I like English songs. I said I like it so much because my idol is a Canadian.
Avril is such a pretty and special girl that she can go abroad alone to learn how to make songs. And she is also gifted in music. All of her songs are written by herself. Beside of these, she is good at playing guitar, piano and some other instruments. Don’t you think she is perfect?
Knock’in on heaven’s door is one of my favorite songs. It is represents us how cruel the war is, and the world needs peace. We don’t want to watch the death, listen to the weeping. What we want is just a bright day. When I watch Avril’s movie, I was deeply touched. The big eyes on the screen were full of hope and fear. The children there are waiting, and the adults there are praying. We don’t want any war, we need peace.
This is Avril, who use her music to tell people the world she feels, is different from other singers, not only for her musical style, but also for her personality.
1. 第二行she is Avril Lavigne建议改成It is …因为之前并未告诉读者“who”是女性。
2. 第二段中是叙述曾经的一段经历，应使用一般过去时，故go→went，asks→asked，like→liked，第三句中like和is也应分别改成liked和was。此外第二句interviewers前应加上the以示特指。
3. 第三段中Beside of these→Besides these。或Besides即可。playing guitar, piano，在guitar, piano前加上the。
4.第三段Knock’in on heaven’s door改为斜体或大写形式或加引号，表示歌名。
5. It is represents us语法错误，可改成It tells us或It shows。第三行的movie应改成复数；I was deeply touched时态错误，可换成I will (always) be表示一种习惯； The big eyes on the screen were full of hope and fear时态也应改成一般现在时（are）。
6.最后一段中who use her music，use应改成uses；
本文表述清楚，对自己所喜欢的明星的特点及喜欢的理由叙述到位，理由充分，且句子表达有一定的文采，全篇内容紧凑、层次安排合理，虽有一些语言错误但不影响理解。且定语从句，there be， not only…but also等结构使用得较为地道。
