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A puppet's life
作者:Agatha    时间:2008-08-01    状态:已批改   点击数:412    [收藏该文章]
习作原文

    I am a puppet.A very small puppet with many invisible strings.But I am not made of wood.I am just a schoolgirl.My parents and my teachers always pull my strings.They move my arms to ask my hand to write lots of homework.Or they move my head to think a lot of questions.I feel tried and I wanna to have a rest.But I cannot.Because they want I have a great grades,and then they are proud of this.They thought that high grade is the most important things in my life.But I don't want to be a puppet.I know what they did all good for me and I want to get a high grade,too.What do you think how should I do?Could you help me to get out of this life?I don't want to stay with a puppet's life.



批 改 老 师
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92分
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1.     第一句话后的句号应改为逗号,并且其后一句话开头的单词应小写。后一句是对前一句的补充说明,是前一句的状语,并非独立完整的一句话。
2.     I feel have a rest.”本句中“tried”应为“tired”的误拼;“wanna”是口语中“want to”的连用,文中应用“want”。
3.     Because they want proud of this.”本句中“want”后要用宾格人称代词,“I”要改为“me”,并且且后掉了不定式“to”;句中不定冠词应去掉,后面“grades”为复数。
4.     They thought in my life.”句中“thought”用原形即可,表示他们一直都这样认为;“things”此处应用单数形式。
5.     I know get a high grade, too.”本句中“all”前掉了“are
6.     What do you think how should I do?”本句表达有误,应为“What do you think I should do?
7.     最后一句话中“stay with”可改为“have”,表示不想过这样的生活。
评语:本文表达了作者对自己学生生活的苦恼,表达清晰,语句连贯,内容充实,是篇很好的习作。文中有少量拼写错误,基本无语法错误。个别句子表达不当,应在表达方面再下功夫。
                    
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[jbbujun] 多谢老师,您辛苦了

[jbbujun] 好真实啊

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