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Tomorrow is a new day
作者:Agatha    时间:2008-08-04    状态:已批改   点击数:361    [收藏该文章]
习作原文

   Tomorrow is a new day,we can have a new start.It's a very famous saying.It's also my motto.Every morning when I get up,I always speak this sentence loudly!I think that is very important for everyone.The happy mood can make somebody have a good condition.

    Tomorrow is a new day,we can have some new experiences in our's life.If you have something wrong with your friends or you argue with your parents,you also can throw all of the bad things in tomorrow!Because you know tomorrow will trust everyone involve you.

     Tomorrow is a new day,we even can have a new life.If you swing a mace to someone yesterday,you can be very friendly to him,too.Maybe you can gain a new friendship!Isn't that imgine?You can have a very special tomorrow in your power.

      Tomorrow is a new day.If you believe yourself ,everybody could be life'stroll!



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1.    第一段最后一句话开头的定冠词用不定冠词“a”较好,此处表泛指;句中“somebody”用“us”较妥,此处泛指所有的人。
2.    第二段中“our”为物主代词,后不能加“’s”。“also”通常放在情态动词之后,时间状语“tomorrow”之前通常不加介词,“in”可去掉。最后一句话中从句中少了主语,应在“tomorrow”之前加主语“you”。
3.    第三段中第二句话中的条件句为过去时,“swing”应用过去式“swung”。最后一句话中的介词“in”应改为“on”,表示“凭借……,由……”。
4.    最后一段最后一句中主句改为“you could be the stroller of life.”更好。主句与从句主语在此应保持一致,句中的名词所有格此处应用“of”结构,文中“stroller”拼写有误。
评语:此文表现了作者积极的生活态度,结构清晰,层次分明,并且很好的使用的排比手法,作者的写作能力非常好。文中基本无拼写错误,语法运用无误,作者的英语运用能力也很强。个别地方还需注意,希望作者在以后的习作中细节方面多加注意。
                    
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[jbbujun] 想看看这稿子如何,等到花儿也谢了,改作文很辛苦吧,要是能一天改完就好了.

[jbbujun] 这篇还没批改,不好评论!

[jbbujun] 努力吧!很好

[jbbujun] 好积极向上的态度啊,不错!

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