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My View on Computers
作者:zhouchenya    时间:2008-08-24    状态:已批改   点击数:701    [收藏该文章]
习作原文

    Computers are playing a more and more important role in modern society.They are widely used almost in every field,such as business,transportation and education.We use computers to process and store all kinds of information.Also,they are entering ordinary families.We use computers to control electrical appliances and entertain ourselves by playing games on them.Without computers,the world would not be what it is today.

    Despite this,computers cause trouble.For instance,a great system will be broken down when only a single computer goes wrong.It is possible that somebody breaks into a computer system to steal secret information.We can not rely so much on computers.

    So we should develop more advanced and reliable computers in order to make our life more colorful and meaningful.

   

      



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改错:第二段第一行中be broken down宜使用主动形式break down表示“崩溃,坏掉”时一般用主动形式。
 
简评:本文描写电脑的用途及优缺点,表达非常到位,说理充分、实在。文章的语言使用流畅、地道。几乎无任何语言错误;playing a more and more important role inentertain ourselves by playing gamesWithout computers,the world would not be what it is today.Despite this等词语以及AlsoFor instance等衔接语都使用得比较准确,实属一篇较好的范文,值得推荐。
 
                    
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